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I’ve had times in my life where I was not only a gamer, I was a hardcore gamer. I considered gaming not only a hobby but an identity. Not a particularly cool identity, or one that I was especially proud of, but gaming is where I spent my time, money and attention.

Today, the gaming industry still occupies a huge footprint in my media consumption. I have a gaming PC, a gaming handheld, a Switch, a PlayStation 5 and an Xbox Series X. I’ve amassed a library of hundreds of games, more than I could play in five human lifetimes, and I continue to accumulate more. I love gaming, but I almost never actually play anything anymore.

What happens is this: I hear about an interesting game. I watch the initial trailer. I read the r/gaming subreddit speculation about the game. There’s another trailer. The game comes out. I read the reviews. I watch the Digital Foundry review and the subsequent analysis of the best settings. I read the comparisons of which features play best on which platform and, on PC, which video card gives the best performance. I go to NewEgg and put a new video card in my cart, which I don’t buy. I read about the backlash to the game and the subsequent patch. Then the next patch. Then comes the first price cut, then the DLC. It might show up on one of the subscription services. Then the Game of the Year or Ultimate edition with all of the DLC included. Along the way are the discounts — from $70 to $50, then to $40, $30, $20 and lower.

If I’m still interested, I will buy the game on one of the seasonal sales.

At this point, the game is more of a cultural media object than an actual thing to play. I buy the game. I install it and update it. I put it on all of the devices that can play it, maybe launch it a couple of times. Lots of long, introductory title screens, then a long tutorial that I occasionally get all the way through. I have to make decisions I’m not ready to make — do I want to be a marksman, a thief, a tank, a wizard? Do I want to put my skill points into stealth, or strength, or luck, or wisdom? I have no clue because I’ve never palyed the damn game before. But these decisions are immutable. Then I put the game down.

Time goes by and there’s a patch or a new DLC. I get inspired to pick the game up again, but I can’t remember where I was or how to play. There are crafting mechanisms, character relationships that I can’t recall, planets to revisit, quests half done. I’m overencumbered with junk loot in a place I don’t recognize with no idea how to proceed. I start playing for a few minutes, but I die repeatedly because this is where I quit the last time. So, again, I put the game down.

I do this. All. The. Time. With dozens of games.

And, invariably, I end up just playing Time Pilot.